the biggest problem
with being a non-believer
is i miss all the best holidays

christmas
and everybody
tra-la-la-laling
all over town and i’m in a funk
because everyplace i like to go
is overcome with manic
christmas fanatics
driving me crazy with their lousy
christmas spirit
and i know after six months of this
the day will finally come
and everything i like to do
will be impossible
for twenty-four hours
because everything will be closed
so people can go tra-la-la-laling
at home with their tra-la-la kids

right before all that
there is thanksgiving
which requires me to eat turkey
for three weeks
and i don’t even like turkey

and next,
just as that dumbass angel
finally gets his wings,
we jump into easter
and the whole cascarones-
breaking-confetti-filled-eggs-
on-my-head thing
leaving me with a headache
for two days and a week and a half
of pulling paper bits out of my hair

those are the big ones,
except for the 4th of July
which would be great
if it was the 4th of October
or something like that
instead of right in the middle
of the hottest part of summer
when i'm supposed
to eat bar-b-que in the park
outside
and watch fireworks outside
and listen to the symphony
play the 1812 overture
outside,
outside
outside
outside
everything outside
and who the hell wants to be
outside when it’s 114 degrees
in the shade

that doesn’t leave me
with anything but
confederate heroes day
which causes family issues -
with one great grandpappy
on one side
and the other great grandpappy
of the other
and the minute we start talking about
it we have to fight the whole frigging
war all over again.

who needs it

Bah Humbug, right?? hahahah Actually I shouldn't be laughing...I just came home from my usual Saturday shopping and it took me an extra hour trying to get through the aisles with people trying to find any Easter candy items left on the shelves...well, not to worry...they kept bringing out big dollies stacked high with cartons of more and more candy ...well, I guess that's good for MY business (Now THAT'S mean!)

Good write, Allen...each year I get a little further away from the beliefs I grew up with and the holidays are an extreme drain knowing I'm a walking lie...at least being a non-believer you know exactly where you stand...this in-between stuff is a drag.

~~flutter~~

PS HAPPY CONFEDERATE'S DAY! let the fighting begin!