I’m going to send this to my Grandson Donovan, for his 2nd Birthday
along with a humming bird feeder. If you would, check it out I have ‘till
the 10th of May, Thanks.



Pinkie and Rose


Pinkie is a little boy, who almost numbers two,
he has a Mommy and a Daddy,
just like me and you.

He found lots of Easter eggs, on his very first Easter day
best of all was the humming bird,
Grandpa sent his way.

Her back is green her chest is red and she had a very long nose,
she didn’t have a name as yet,
so Pinkie called her Rose.

Rose was the tinniest of birds and flew very fast.
Daddy said Rose couldn’t talk,
but that wouldn’t last.

Summer, autumn, winter too; then another spring,
and when your Rose returns again
I’m sure she’s gonna sing.

Keep watching out the window, I’m sure you will see
a tinny little humming bird
a gift to you from me.

Jack,

How wonderful! This will be a major "life savor" for your adorable grandson. It's a treasure he can keep for life and pass on to generations to come.

I just have a couple of observations. In the fourth stanza, I think 'tinniest" should be "tiniest".

quote:

Rose was the tinniest (tiniest) of birds and flew very fast.
Daddy said Rose couldn’t talk,
but that (it) wouldn’t last.

For some reason, it flows better for me with another syllable in that last line.

The last stanza, second line, 'tinny' should be "tiny".

Poor flutter's gonna have a spell because I responded before she did. She's apt to need the weekend off to recover. Sorry flutter - you snooze, you lose!

Awww Jack - how very cute and sweet!!

I would make a couple of suggestions...

quote:

Originally posted by MoMule:

Pinkie and Rose


Pinkie is a little boy, who almost numbers two,
he has a Mommy and a Daddy,
just like me and you.

He found lots of Easter eggs, on his very first Easter day
best of all was the hummingbird,
Grandpa sent his way.

Her back was green her chest was red and she had a very long nose,
she didn’t have a name as yet,
so Pinkie called her Rose.

Rose was the tinniest of birds and flew very fast.
Daddy said Rose couldn’t talk,
but that it wouldn’t last.

Summer, autumn, winter too; then another spring,
and when your Rose returns again
I’m sure she’s going to sing.

Keep watching out the window, I’m sure you will see
a tiny little hummingbird
a gift to you from me.

I'd lose a couple of the "very's"...especially the first one (very first Easter)...first is enough without adding the "very".
"Hummingbird" is one word...
I'd change the use of "is" to was because of the tense of the rest of that stanza...
I'm not sure on the "returns again"...do you need both words - I'd probably just use return...
I'd suggest that you spell out "going to" as opposed to gonna - just sounds nicer

Pinkie is a lucky boy to have a Grandpa who can send him hummingbirds!!! Can you send me one too!!???

~Colly

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Thanks to Becky and Colly for your time and expertise

This is a second draft.


Pinkie is a little boy, who almost numbers two,
he has a Mommy and Daddy,
just like me and you.

He found lots of Easter eggs, on his first Easter day
best of all was the hummingbird,
Grandpa sent his way.

Her back was green her breast was red and she has a really long nose,
she didn’t have a name as yet,
so Pinkie called her Rose.

Rose was the tiniest of birds and flew very fast.
Daddy said Rose couldn’t talk,
but that it wouldn’t last.

Summer, autumn, winter too; then another spring,
and when your Rose returns,
to you she’ll talk and sing.

Keep watching out the window, for soon you will see
a tiny little hummingbird
a gift to you from me.

Me bad! I need to visit this forum more often!

Dad, My apologies for not reading and responding to this earlier. Seeing how I am the "baby" of the crew , I know you will go easy on me.



I just loved the playful feel of this piece and the message it conveys. I love watching the hummingbirds in my yard and I religiously fill their feeder to keep them coming back. I remember the first time I ever saw a hummingbird; it scared me half to death, as I thought it was an enormous bug! But, after watching it "hover" in mid-air, my fascination with them was born.

Oops, sorry, I'm waffling again......the only suggestion I have for this wonderful poem would be to keep the tense the same in the third stanza.

Her back was green her breast was red and she had a really long nose


I'm glad I found this, Jack. Perhaps the hummingbirds were secretly sending me a message through your poem, to fill their feeder. I've been avoiding the outdoors in this awful heat, and I think they're not all too pleased with me right now.