Hi all, I would like a few opinions on what you think is the best format for this recently done work(stanza's, etc.) I have debated over it long and hard, but cant seem to make up my mind!


In that mystical time
between waking and sleep,
when an age seem's an instant
as we rise from the deep,
as time is suspended
and dreams are so real,
with visions of wonder
to reach out and feel.

Sunsets and sunrises
rivers and streams,
we can fly over mountains
or bathe in moonbeams,
in the twilight that rests
beyond slumberlands shore,
lie's the infinite silence
your soul hungers for.

Then the light of the moon
shines under the door,
and bid's you to surface
from limbo once more,
but your soul bear,s the imprint
of where you have been,
and your heart keep's the keys
of the kingdom you've seen!

Well that's it, and I still cant decide the right way! Keith.

Keith,

What a lovely dreamy poem! I think with a little polishing, it will approach perfection! I'll tackle the "easier" task of typos, etc.

In your first stanza, the lines:


"In that mystical time
between waking and sleep,"

your first reference is waking. Then in the successive lines, you say:

"when an age seem's an instant
as we rise from the deep,"

It seems to contradict the first reference to waking. That just may be me -- let others comment on their perception of the lines.

The remainder of things are probably typos....

First stanza, third line:

"when an age seem's an instant", "seems" doesn't need the apostrophe.

Second stanza, 6th line:

"beyond slumberlands shore," "slumberland's" needs an apostrophe I think to indicate that it is possessive.

The third stanza:

"Then the light of the moon
shines under the door,
and bid's (substitute 'bids) you to surface
from limbo once more,
but your soul bear,s (just remove the comma) the imprint
of where you have been,
and your heart keep's (remove the apostrophe) the keys
of the kingdom you've seen!


As far as content, it is both meaningful and beautiful. I will let the real experts work on the in-depth critique. I'm glad you joined us, Keith, and I look forward to reading a lot more of your writing.