Hi everyone! For some of you reading this you may find this piece familiar. I am afraid I rushed into posting this into the Flower Garden; only when I read it later did I realise it should have been posted here first. You see, I find that it goes a little off balance towards the end of the poem, so, could anyone help me out?



The Shipyard

A hulking, rusty great monster rises out of metalline pit
With sound vibration and din of scraping crystal grit.
The Spaceship roars into the sky, and cyber rats
Rush in to fix the changing cushion of anarchy.
The rushing white tower proclaims the year 40K A.D,
Louring against a beehive sky of bleak technology,
No humans are in sight at all, the place seems achingly empty
But they are caught in there somewhere- a whole civilization,
And I sit and write my poetry- not known these days but a long lost art,
I am Veiled One reincarnated, the unknown great word Bard,
And I am singing of the wonders of the great Shipyard.



-The Veiled One

A most interesting piece. I am not a good "cure"-ator, but noticed one part at the end that I sort of stumbled on :

"... unknown great word Bard ..."

The words caused my pause, I am not sure what might sound better, but my first thought was :

"... the mighty, unknown Bard ..."

Cheers Me,

Sometime I'll repost that with that correction and perhaps anymore that anyone else has to offer (in other words, keep posting people!)

By the way, look out for the essay about J.R.R. Tolkien that I will be posting in the chamber soon, on the life of that great man.

TVO