Originally posted: 05-24-04

(Public Domain NCC)



It Isn’t Supposed to Be Like This

I was on my way into one of our local supermarkets today when halfway across the parking lot a barefoot old woman about 80 years of age approached me. She was clothed in a tattered sundress and carried the remnants of a handbag from long ago. She was stooped over, her gray hair was in disarray and it was obvious she hadn’t had a bath in a long time. Her tired eyes were surrounded by wrinkles and the sad expression on her face was not an act, the deep frown lines on her sunburnt brow attested to that.

In a quiet resigned voice she asked me if I could give her some change so she could by a sandwich. I offered to buy her some groceries to take home with her but she told me that she had no place to go. I suppose that I’m far too suspicious and cynical but I wasn’t about to just hand over a $50 bill to someone who may very well use it all to buy some Bay Rum or such like. With this in mind I went into the grocery store and broke the fifty by buying a $10 pair of sandals that looked like they’d fit her. Returning to the parking lot I gave her the sandals and walked her over to the corner deli where I bought her the sandwich platter of her choice.

The old girl dived on the platter and consumed it with a vengeance. Then she sat back and sipped her coffee, looking exhausted. She wouldn’t tell me her name but she did say that she hadn’t eaten since Friday night. I believed her on that point because she certainly looked like she hadn’t been eating properly of late. I suggested that she go to the local mission and try to get some help, they’d be able to give her some regular meals too. She said that she would probably look into that but I could tell by the look in her eyes she was lying to me. We both knew she wouldn’t go to the mission for whatever her reasons. With that I left her there at a sidewalk table in front of a deli as she finished the last of her coffee.

My run to the grocery store was the same as it always is. I picked and chose what I wanted from the supermarket, paid for it and went home. There I put everything away and relaxed on the back deck just enjoying the warm May sun. My day today was a good one and I had very few cares, unlike the old woman in the parking lot.

Later I drove over to see a dear old lady I’ve come to adore lately. I met Lena through business and was charmed by her perpetual smile from the start. As well, I’ve found that even though she’s easily old enough to be my grandmother we never run out of things to talk about. Yesterday she had me over for iced tea and today she asked me to stop by and look at her pool’s filter pump. I was only too pleased to oblige on both occasions.

Lena has her comfortable home, her pension, her widow’s pension and a sizeable trust to live on. She drives everywhere in her little Audi sedan going about her daily routine and stopping in to visit family and old friends. These friends and family are constantly stopping by to visit and take her out to dinner also. Lena might be elderly and living alone but she certainly isn’t lonely or destitute.

As I sat across the patio table from Lena this afternoon, sipping yet more of her iced tea, I was struck by the differences between her and the woman in the supermarket parking lot. They’re both about the same age, they both live in the same town, they’re both single and probably had similar dreams when they were younger. Yet in spite of this, they’re worlds apart.

It is written that long ago a question was asked of God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

God never really answered that one, perhaps leaving it up to us to figure this out on our own. I don’t pretend to have the answer to that age old question, although I wish I did. I can’t help but think though that maybe (just maybe) we should be our brother’s keeper, and our sister’s too...when, for a valid reason, they can’t keep themselves. And would this not seem especially so when that reason is something as common as old age?

It’s possible that the broken woman I encountered may have been the victim of circumstances beyond her control. Or it might be that the homeless old wretch brought this upon herself through lack of proper planning in her younger days. But if lack of forethought was a crime, I’d venture to say that all of us should’ve been locked up at one point or another in our lives.

When I left Lena’s I drove to my bank across town to make sure that a fair sized cheque I deposited last week had cleared. On my way through our small downtown core I once again saw the old woman in the tattered sundress, sitting on a sidewalk bench. Her head was bowed and she was crying. As I thought about the life she lives I couldn’t help but think how much better things are for Lena.

The thought crossed my mind; when your time is short - it isn’t supposed to be like this.

...................................................................................


A final mention:

Yesterday I took some time out of a busy schedule and went down to the park at the lake for a walk. Before I could even get out of the car I saw several police cruisers a Fire Department rescue wagon and an ambulance over by one of the park benches. The emergency crew was lifting someone up off the bench and onto a stretcher. I couldn't see who it was they were dealing with but as the body bag was being zipped up I recognized the sandals the old woman wore. At least she's not crying any more.

To one as simple as I, it all seems so wrong that an elderly woman should live out her last days like this. There is no logic to be found in having a life end this way.

...

Ron

You do it every time you annoying old man.

*sigh*

It isn't is it?

No, it just isn't fair - and we'll never know the circumstances that drove her to that existence.

I hope that even in her circumstances...that she was able to glean a moment of happiness...from the birds, children playing, or people like you that came into her life, even if for a short time.

As you say "It isn't supposed to be like this"

Ron,

This was a sad ending to an almost sadder set of circumstances. In most if not all cases, there are options available that for whatever her reasons, your lady either didn't know about or would not utilize. There is that subsection of the population who choose to live as your lady did rather than avail themselves of the services that could provide the necessities of life. Through the years, I have come to believe that they equate those services with a loss of control over their lives and even perhaps a loss of freedom. One could argue that position with them and they will not change -- it is a matter of their belief system that is firmly entrenched. It is heartbreaking but unless they are adjudicated incompetent, nothing can be done - and that is a very extreme measure.

In my work, it has been necessary for me to work with my staff a great deal so that they can understand the difference between making bad or self-defeating decisions and being incompetent. Good, bad, or indifferent, I know that once I make a firm decision it is pretty unshakable...even if it isn't in my best interest, and as much as I would like to help those like your lady, I can't negate their right to refuse and force them into situations that they resist just because I would like to see them in safer more secure circumstances.

The poverty rate, I read somewhere, is outstandingly high for women than it is for men. And even more so when you look at peoples over 50. Women over fifty, are the highest demographic of impoverished households... if you can even call them that.

I'm always writing about this sort of thing, but it's too damn personal to read, or even think about, so I tuck it all away -- boxes and notebooks on it, thank you. Thank you for being a voice.

You caused me to think about the circumstances leading this women to her existence. Some people can play the game called life so effectively. Some can overcome all obstacles placed in their paths, and others become victims of their situations. How is it that some people are resourceful, and others suffer so miserably? I appreciate your empathy and the attention you gave this woman. You reached out and you cared, and you contemplated her situation. You were touched by her misfortune, that shows where your heart is.It's a heart breaking story and "it isn't supposed to be like this."

quote:

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Thank you for being a voice.

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Ditto.

Ron, you are so adept at providing us with a "slice of life"; sadly this sorry situation ended in a death. Poverty and homelessness are daunting obstacles to overcome and it is frustrating to know we can't help them all...perhaps if we each do some small thing, in the best way we can, we can make a small dent. But, as you showed us, even donating food to the shelters and "open pantries" doesn't help if the people are too stubborn, too proud, too afraid, or just unaware of the facilities, to utilize them. It is a perplexing situation. Thank you for sharing, however sad, this "slice of life".

Well, Ron, you might think that God didn't answer the question, "Am I my brother's keeper"? but you certainly answered it for yourself. Thanks for the sharing of it.

Okay, I'm bumping this one.
Kat